Swift and Imminent Departure

Farewell readers (or lack thereof), I shall be moving my blog. Fret not, for this shall be used for it's original purpose -- a cut and paste clipboard of bbc online and shit like that.




Until next time.

Entering Brokesville. Population: me

I spent my entire allowance on shoes. I bought a pair of pink chucks, orange ballet flats, purple heels, and 4 tank tops from Mango.

I now have only $65 for the rest of May. But who gives a shit; I'm locking myself up in the house to study for exams that are in, I dunno, 26 FREAKING DAYS?

But it's OK, at least I'm getting work done. After this will be June, the lost month. Schenelle and I, with the rest of our friends, will be having extended periods of discussing lost civilisations. RIGHT. We'll be getting ourselves shitfaced loads. Georgina Sparks ain't got nothing on us.

I'm only sleeping

I miss Miyo. Too bad she doesn't drink and I'm a no lifer.

I Saw Their Brains

There is officially no time to study. So fuck that, on with my life.

You know what I really hate? OK maybe hate is too strong a word. People who look like shit and think that they are the bomb.

Examples include, tree trunk thighed girls who wear skinny jeans, girls who don't wear basic makeup ( i know natural beauty is the best and all that, but even Cindy Crawford doesn't wake up looking like Cindy Crawford) hoping that they would get away with it, guys who think that Gatsby turns them into Greek demi gods (pity they can't do shit about their faces), guys who dress like slobs, etc.

Far be it for me to suggest that I myself am a hottie. In fact, the size of my arms will forever bug me, if I eat two meals a day I bloat like Jabba the Hutt, and my skin condition is beyond repair. But I try my best to look good, cos no matter what you say, people are superficial and you'll always be judged by how you look. I don't support it at all, but that's the rule of the game of life. I'm just playing by them.

My main beef is with delusional people who assume that they've got it all, when in reality they should consider some serious eyebrow plucking and maybe a couple laps around the pool. These people should be rounded up and put into a grooming concentration camp where everyday they will have to do bench presses, style their hair and if necessary, pedicure themselves.

I've said this before and I'll say it again: If a woman adamantly refuses to dress nicely and put on makeup, she has no grounds to complain that she is ugly. The same thing goes for men, but to a lesser degree because in all fairness, there is much less variety for men in the style department.

Just save me the torture of having to see cellulite and greasy hair. Also, Schenelle would have a lot less photos to take.

Can Sexual Assault be Committed by Omission?

A month left to the exams and I haven't done the stupid research assignment. I hope I finish it up soon.

When I was a young kid, I wondered what was the big deal about alcohol. Now that I'm legal and studying close to 12 hours a day, I finally see. But for me, the booze isn't as good if you don't have the company of your friends and a designated sober someone. I don't mince my words when I say that not drinking for the whole of May is gonna be tough, especially when Clarke Quay is one MRT stop away from my school.

May Shopping List:
-New heels (mine are like the polar ice caps -- on the brink of destruction)
-Mozzarella cheese
-MORE FRIGGING TIME
-Smoked salmon (?)
-Trashy chick lit novel (but not too trashy. Shopaholic series is just lame)

I just got back from work

At the risk of sounding totally emo, every time I listen to A Lack of Color by Death Cab for Cutie, I cry. Either in my heart or literally. It always, always, takes me back to Farrer Road, with all the big houses and balmy weather. How I'd wait for Zach to finish his church and we'd go do stupid shit like read comics or have sushi. I know I'm the one who left him and all that, but I can't help but feel that I'm the one that lost something, not him.

This is fact not fiction
For the first time in years
And all the girls in every girlie magazine
Can't make me feel any less alone
I'm reaching for the phone

To call at 7:03 and on your machine I slur a plea for you to come home
But I know it's too late
I should have given you a reason to stay

Every time the song hits this part, I feel like fucking wailing my lungs out. Have you ever a close friend? I miss the old Zach, and no matter how much I want it to happen, he's not coming back. People change, and I have to accept that.

I hate this. I hate ranting on my blog, something anyone and everyone can see. How people can so effortlessly see into my soul, because I let them. But the truth sets me free; in a way I guess.

Recollection

When I was in secondary school, I was a chubby, bespectacled nerd. In sec 3 when I became the floorball goalie, I graduated to chubby, bespectacled jock with lumpy mash potato for brains (Biology teacher: "Can anyone tell me what a cell is?" Me: "It starts with c, ends with l and rhymes with bell. Hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo!"). In sec 1 and 2, I longed to be accepted. In sec 3 and 4, I struggled with falling in love for the first time and backstabbing friends (fiends?). Those years taught me a lot about people and how imperfect everyone can be.

When I was in JC, for some weird reason I forgot about, I decided to experiment with modelling. I lost a ton of weight, jogged 5km twice a week and lived on one granola bar a day. I quit when Zach asked me to. JC was almost as vicious as secondary school, except that you weren't allowed to be retarded. Everyone was practically anal retentive 24/7. Goes without saying that 2006 was not my favourite year.

Then came 2007. I had some short stints in the working world, all enjoyable experiences, and I started school. I still remember how I felt on the first day of school. I told myself, "ok, here's a chance for a new start. Drop your ice queen act, and make as many friends as you can." And with God's grace, I made a truckload of friends from everywhere (I also made some enemies, but hey, you win some, you lose some).

Hugeass confession time: when I was 14, I prayed to God and asked Him to make me popular. There you go. Stupid little teenager wanting to be in the in crowd so badly that I would've eaten my own fist to be in 'that clique'. Four years later, He granted me my prayer.

But in the process, I also learned something: popular kids have no souls. Oh sure, we talk to less popular people from time to time, but when push came to shove, I had no problems ripping on the little guys. They never ever did anything to me, and here I was, making fun of their mental stability and physical appearance. I actually felt relieved when I found out that one of them was talking behind my back. I told my older brother I didn't have the balls to deal with the cattyness that came with being an It girl, and I think he did genuinely pity my predicament.

Maybe, He put me here and gave me all my friends for a reason. Maybe the learning never stops. There just might be something I was planned to do, given my position.

Nostalgia, anyone?

So fall back on all of your premonitions
And just learn to listen
To those that have more wisdom than you
And just stop
Putting so much stock
In all of this stuff
Live your life for those you love

And I’m still waiting for
You to be the one I’m waiting for.

(Note: I know I use a lot of lyrics on my blog, but some times, especially now, it's a better way to verbalise my thoughts rather than an actual rant.

And I feel like I just got home

I need time to go just a little bit faster.

+++

Getting a job at Ma Maison's. I hope I can start soon.

Some Semblance of Normalacy

This isn't meaningful; practicing law and drinking scotch at 9 o'clock in the morning. Well, ok, maybe the scotch is meaningful.
-Denny Crane

***
The stress is up and I have officially hit the bottle. In one night, I had a sex on the beach, sea breeze, vodka red bull and chivas coke. Blame it on a number of things; my breakup, the schoolwork, self destructive tendencies; whatever. At least I'm having a blast debasing myself. And booze once a month is enough to tide me over 'til the next time. I just hope that I don't get damn low blood pressure again. Note to self, however: your friends care more for you than you'd think.

Last time I met Sara, we discussed life, love and loss in detail. It made me realise that I'm not the only one in the world being victimised for love; it happens to practically everyone. But it's just so wrong; I mean, sure stuff that requires hard work should always be worth it, but why do we have to try so hard, or just give up like that? It's too damaging on people's psyche. I can't imagine the amount of pain there is in the world just because of relationship problems.

I guess that's what's wrong with the world -- people. We're all fucked up and there's nothing we can do about it.

You are [not] alone

Twilight

You don't deserve to be lonely
But those drugs you got won't make you feel better
Pretty soon you'll find it's the only
Little part of your life you're keeping together

I'm nice to you, I could make it through
That you're already somebody's baby
I could make you smile if you stayed a while
But how long will you stay with me baby

You're wonderful, when it's beautiful
But I'm already somebody's baby
And if I went with you I'd disappoint you too
Well, I'm already somebody's baby
Already somebody's baby

My Life is Rhapsody in Blue on Loop

George Gershwin thought of the concept of Rhapsody in Blue on a subway. Talk about urban inspiration. I wish he didn't die so young.
+++

Is it too late to say, "I should've taken lit"?

I kinda envy Miyo cos well, she's on her way to living my dream. If I was good enough to stay in JC, I would've done literature all the way. Sure, I hate learning the difference between alliteration and assonance, but I think literature is the key to understanding the human condition and what people do to each other. There's truth and meaning in every little sentence crafted by people.

Law on the other hand, is a fucked up discipline which exposes the ugly side of society, and ultimately shows that reform and improvement is invariably stymied by practicality. The widow can't sue because she doesn't have enough money to push for a continuance. The CEO pushes a little sexual harassment suit aside with a little piggy bank for rainy days. What a total farce.

The law is not justice. At best it shows man's total inability to live amicably with one another, simply relying on this flawed mechanism to settle disputes and give satisfaction. At worst it's the muscling out of the little man by the behemoth of the masses disguised as democracy. It sickens me that the reason I'm even pursuing such a course is because of the career prospects. I am selling out so I can buy an extra pair of pumps. WTF man.

I'm pretty sure there are lawyers out there who fight for what's right and give voices to those who otherwise don't have one, but let's not kid ourselves. We're only doing this because we can. If we really did care about people, we'd be brain surgeons or cancer researchers. At least they are clearly carrying out a meaningful existence (except for abortionists, who are beyond the scope of this post).

But then again, I was hoping to become the next JD Salinger by taking literature. He definitely wouldn't have earned a dime in Singapore.

+++

Yesterday when I raised the subject of getting a new phone, my dad (again) retorted, "Don't spend money unnecessarily!"

Me: (to my younger brother) This is why I don't wanna join the civil service.

Dad: I'm only telling you this because you're not working yet.

Me: And when I do start working, a pedophile will pay for your retirement. I'll be a defence lawyer. Another thing: when I start earning my own money, can I buy a Vespa?

Dad: No, I'd rather you'd be a prosecutor. And never ever get a motorbike. Wanna see some pictures of motorcycle accidents? (He starts googling)

Me: Uh, I'll pass.

Dad: Isaac, come see some pictures of dead motorists!

Bro: Not now, I'm eating!

April Shopping List

1. Boots
2. Cashmere Sweater
3. Ballet Flats
4. Custom Velvet off shoulder top
5. Sanity
6. Confidence Restoration
7. Peace of Mind
8. Hopefully, a T mobile sidekick that works in Singapore

A Pain Like No Other

I was washing my face just now, and I feebly tried to put on my glasses.

And then, the right side of the frame went right into my eye.

Ow, ow, dammit, ow.

A Very Meaningful Relationship

She saw the world in its material splendor
While he stayed at home and noted dates on the calendar
The distance apart made them both shiver
Yet was melted with each carnal embrace and such vigor

She wasn't his only, and likewise for him
Substitutes for both of them could be found on a whim
Plucking out one eye, concealed in fog shrouds
The Clintons and Kennedys of the world would be proud.

Their friends came over, they shared their space
They hid their unfaithfulness with due haste
They set up the stage, they played their roles
And secrets that night were kept on hold
The whispers had still rung through our ears
Confirming suspicions and my worst fears

It was something we wanted, but couldn't handle,
It was something we wanted, but couldn't handle.

Oh no! Please leave anime alone

Britney Spear's new video, "Break the Ice" is in anime form. Which makes sense because no one wants to see her shake her fat ass on their TVs.



My gosh. The intro is totally ripped off from Ghost in a Shell, and not to mention they're reusing the Toxic video. Still, as animated videos go, this one is pretty neat artwork. I just wish it wasn't so unoriginal and insipid.

Slow Internal Clock

But there's no blame for how our love did slowly fade
And now that it's gone, it's like it wasn't there at all
And here I rest, where disappointment and regret collide
Lying awake at night.

--Title and Registration

I spent an hour learning how to play this song on the piano, hence my utter exhaustion by the time I get to school. Anyway on a side note, I really hope that I get to cover everything by May.

I wish I could grow up to be a professional hobo. One of my greatest fears (apart from gaining 100kg overnight) is becoming generic. Being weird and offbeat is my homeostasis, and it's gotten me in trouble one too many times. Maybe because growing up with 2 brothers has drilled in my head that safe is boring. Sit at the edge of the jetty. Play in the kitchen. The works.

Before I forget: RIP Pandapple. You will be sorely missed by loved ones. The say that only the good die young, so since your lifespan was give or take a month, you're practically a saint.

Broken Vase - A poem

I have an old jar but it's not really pretty
It's damaged, and its chipped off edges are gritty
I can't really put it on display in my house
'Cos your curiosity is something I don't wanna arouse
Once you cast your eyes on this plain looking thing
The first thing you'd wanna know is where it has been
I'd hem and I'd haw and I'd loosen my collar
When I shamefully admit that it's not worth a dollar.
You see, its previous owner was a callous old fool
Who didn't treasure it as much as he should.
It got baked and discoloured, left out in the sun
The burden of keeping it weighed as much as a ton
So he returned it to me, all weathered and aged
And said to me simply, "You can jolly well keep it."
So now I've got my broken vase back
But it's nothing to be proud of, as a matter of fact.

A Confession

I've got a hunger
Twisting my stomach into knots
That my tongue has tied off

My brain's repeating
"If you've got an impulse let it out"
But they never make it past my mouth.

Bop ba, this is the sound of settling.

I'm happy for everyone who passed public - only 3 more papers to clear. But I'm really really pissed about somethings.

Firstly, why does ***** have to make everything such a damn competition? It's really annoying when people try to one up each other constantly, and on one occasion it led to the end of one of my friendships. Then again, I know plenty of brilliant people who lack maturity and dare I say, tact. Maybe they don't care. Who knows.

Secondly, I was hoping for a fair fight. It's not fair that some people are marked stricter than others, just because they happened to be liked less. Don't get me wrong; I'm an ardent supporter of nepotism, but only when it comes to opportunities. Personally I would trade my pass for a fail if that meant that everyone was marked on the same standard. It just totally cheapens my grade and I feel shitty even though I met my target of a pass. Like the mock exams was a total farce that was calculated from the start.

I blog about my party some time later. Got a lot of catching up to do.

Of Cabbages and Kings

*Girly ranty post. Reader discretion advised*

I'm pretty sure everyone knows about Andrea Fonseka, the chubby beauty queen turned deal or no deal clone turned lame talent show host turned hopeless channel 5 drama actress.


I got it from my mama! Oh, wait no... I didn't! Psyche!

I don't doubt she's a talented person; plenty of charisma, possible IQ of 160 and enough charm to forge a truckload of amulets.

But there was something she said that really made me scratch my head in confusion:
What matters most to me now is that I've done it the right way - through hard work and perseverance.
-Andrea Fonseka, 2007 (andreafonseka.blogspot.com)

Uh... hard work and perseverance?

First of all, let's turn our attention to another fatty turned top model: Yoanna House.

Miss House was the winner of America's Next Top Model Cycle 2. She was immensely overweight in her teen years and continued to struggle with her size throughout the series. Another contestent on the show, Camille, even accused her of being bullimic.

Despite the odds against her, she slimmed down to a comfortable 60kg (before you do a double take, she's 180 cm tall) by dieting, yoga and pilates. She was an inspiration to me in sec 3 when I watched it and she still is.



Have you ever seen such a strong versatile face in your life? I doubt it.

Coming back to Fonseka. How did she lose weight? Well, after the racuous uproar caused by the Malaysian press about them crowning her Miss Malaysia Universe 2004, Marie France Bodyline gave her a break and signed her up for some consultations. Funny how these programmes never work for everyday girls on the street; all of a sudden its the most effective thing since the wheel for a high profile beauty pageant winner.

Hard work? Excuse me. Hard work is slogging it out 4 hours a day at the gym. Hard work is watching what you eat when you eat. Hard work is dealing with muscle cramps, injuries and pushing your physical limits.

I don't think anyone's definition of "hard work" is getting free lipo from a slimming centre.

Having said that, kudos to the WWE Divas. I think all of them (with the exception of Chyna who retired eons ago) are absolutely gorgeous. Sure some of them have fake boobs, but they have abs that put men to shame.

What I'm trying to say is, if you're gonna sell out, at least have the nerve to be open about it. Don't sugar coat it with cliches about how hard work pays off and all that. We've heard it all before.

On a side note, it's also somewhat irresponsible to tell people that losing weight is possible, yadda yadda. While I think everyone ought to be fit and healthy, I don't think everyone should be skinny. Of course thinness is aesthetically pleasing to most people (including myself), but it's just plain gnarly to keep telling yourself that if you tried really, really hard, you could be the next Kate Moss or Giselle or whatever. It's like a Proton desperately wishing to be a Porshe -- no matter how hard it tries, it will always be a Proton. Models and generally people on screen are blessed with the genetic jackpot. They have high cheekbones, symmetrical faces, and that includes being shapely in all the right places. In this sense, the media does portray a reality different from the one we're living in.

So yes: love yourself, because no one else will do it for you.

You're so cute when you're slurring your speech, but they're closing the bar and they want us to leave.

Last night I went to timbre and crazy with the usual bunch. Yummy yummy thin crust pizza! I must find the recipe and never have to order it again (kinda how i never have to buy cookies in my life ever).

Anyway the stupid band was such an audience whore. "And here is our next song - a song that's played a dozen times a day over the radio and now you have to listen to our crappy rendition!" Seriously. And ditch the stupid DJ talk. It makes you look and sound like a damn pussy. Who knows; maybe if we stuck around they might have started playing the Reason by Hoobastank or some other totally overrated and overplayed song, just like the last 5 we heard before we left.

After that the drunkards went to boat quay and terrorised a few innocent NUS students (including me). Come on, they should know the dangers of venturing out so late at night. Thanks to Schenelle, we walked from there to the Esplanade because we were under the impression that it was actually possible to get cabs from the Padang.

Fun, fun way to spend time after idiotic mocks.

Weirdness

I'm starting to dream about Ellen Page. I love her as Juno McGuff and Shadowcat, but please stay the hell out of my head during down time.

Photoshop: DCFC inspired.

First of many.

A Song for a Late Night Thought

Lately, I've been very worried that the curse of being Chinese (or rather, Singaporean), which is being mondo money minded will creep up on me when I get older. So this song is about people promising wealth and success but not talking about possible tradeoffs. Bloody meaningful for anyone who'd struggle with selling out.


Elliott Smith - Angeles
Someone's always coming around here trailing some new kill
Says, "I seen your picture on a hundred dollar bill"
And what's a game of chance to you, to him is one of real skill
So glad to meet you
Angeles
Picking up the ticket shows there's money to be made
Go on and lose the gamble, that's the history of the trade
You add up all the cards left to play to zero
And sign up with evil
Angeles
Don't start me trying now
Because I'm all over it
Angeles
I could make you satisfied in everything you do
All your "secret wishes" could right now be coming true
And be forever with my poison arms around you
No one's going to fool around with us
No one's going to fool around with us
So glad to meet you
Angeles

Title and Registration

o yay! It's over! Time to be hooked on Rune Factory again. The mocks was the only time i actually managed to talk to Vish and Mumtaj and I realise how much I miss them. It just makes me feel like I'm in an incubative cocoon waiting for June when I sprout as a moth and scream as the flames of worldly pressures engulf my speckled wings.

In the meantime, I'll study exclusion clauses.

O Brave New World that has such people in it!

YAYY. CONTRACT LAW TOMORROW. BESSIE YOU'RE A LOVELY COW BUT PLEASE DON'T MAKE A 3RD APPEARANCE. HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO ARGUE THAT SILENCE CAN NEVER AMOUNT TO ACCEPTANCE AND OFFERS END WHEN A COUNTER OFFER BEGINS.

I think chinpokomon is chinpoka-riffic, I got shoe.

True friends stab you in the front.
-Blair Waldorf

+++
Yes, two more days until this bloody hell mock week is over and I go back to slacker mode. Despite totally flopping the statutory interpretation question, since i swotted for juries i hope i do well for that question.

60% of the time, it works every time

I just wanna get through next week. Alive. My starvation tendencies are back again, I fear that despite losing weight, I also lose hair.

Anyway, being with some people in school taught me certain things.

1. Never impose your will on others. They'll resent it and end up blaming you.

2. Keep your nose clean. Scandal will mar ANY amount of charisma or popularity you have.

3. Under no circumstances should your mouth be quicker than your brain.

4. You don't have to like everyone. But it'll definitely help if everyone likes you.

5. This is something I learned from Sharon: the association rule. You are judged by the company you keep. Kinda explains the fall from grace by a certain annoying someone who dated the wrong fat legged girl and went from pro to schmo.

6. You are also judged by what you wear. Not that you should dress to the nines everyday (but it helps!) but at least remember the most important maxim by Dale Carnegie: PRESENTATION IS EVERYTHING. If you dress like a ho, be ready to be treated like a ho. Dress like a slob and you'll get nothing but deodorant for your birthday (note: does not apply to exam period). Dress smart and classy, and people will automatically treat you with more respect.

7. People will like you if you actually give a damn.

8. Never esteem yourself higher than others. I'm still trying to get this part right, cos no one likes a pompus ass on her high horse judging everyone.

There. That's about everything I learned about dealing with people.

Expo '86

Sometimes I think this cycle never ends
We slide from top to bottom then we turn and climb again
And it seems by time that I had figured what it's worth
The squeaking of our skin against the steel has gotten worse.
But if I move my place in line I'll lose.
+++

Damn my mood swings. All it takes is for the ipod rotation to come to any Death Cab for Cutie song and I instantly mellow down. Why does music have that effect on people?

Anyway, that reminds me of the time I was playing Tiny Vessels in 806 and it came to the part of the verse

So one last touch and then you'll go
And we'll pretend that it meant something so much more
But it was vile and it was cheap
And you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me

And Lincoln was like "why do you listen to this kinda music?" Well, 1) you have to listen to the song in its entirety and 2) songs like this always reminds people about their own lives. Even if the experience can be totally different from the one who penned the song, I say if the writer had managed to make you feel anything through the melody or the lyrics, he's more or less accomplished.

Besides, it beats listening to my daily "so i heard you liek mudkips" on Youtube (go find it and watch the whole thing, if you CAN).

Anyway I'm gonna have to do 3 chapters of Public Law tonight. Being the genius that I am, I left my worst subject (Criminal) in school, so I won't get them back 'til tomorrow.

***
It's hard to resist the dark side. They have cookies.

Wouldn't it be nice...

to have an inexhaustible supply of smoked salmon?
+++

I'm on a very pink run now. While I still love orange, I'd like most of my accessories to be pink. Like my PSP. And Senheiser earphones. And my general makeup application (walking proof that Anna Sui turns people into living dead dolls). Vish's party is in 6 hours, but i may go a little later than that. I mean I'm bringing cookies to it. Who eats cookies during dinnertime?!

The New Year

So everybody put your best suit or dress on
Let's make believe that we are wealthy for just this once
Lighting firecrackers off on the front lawn
As thirty dialogues bleed into one
I wish the world was flat like the old days
And I could travel just by folding a map
No more airplanes, or speed trains or freeways
There'd be no distance that could hold us back.

+++
OK, so yesterday's rant was partly caused by PMS, but I'm still rather peeved. I really can't stand it when the only jokes some people are capable of cracking contain nothing but sexual references. Freaking annoying can. Some people never fail to put a damper on my afternoons and dinners*.

Disclaimer: Don't blame me for your own paranoia if you think I'm referring to you. If it is you, then take a damn hint and shut the freak up. I'm not the only one who thinks this way; if i was, I'd tolerate you for the greater good. But you're really polluting the atmosphere for some of us. If you end up hating me for this, so be it. That's something that I'm gonna have to live with for the rest of my life. I just hope you know that the things you do aren't appreciated by some of us.

Tiny Vessels

Blair: Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It's been... a while since my last confession.
Priest: What troubles you, my child?
Blair: (sighs) After being broken up with my boyfriend for exactly 20 minutes, I succumbed to inebriation, performed at a speakeasy, and surrendered my virtue to a self-absorbed ass. The only good news is that he's a total pig who'll act like it never happened, thank God.
Priest: Ahem.
Blair: Sorry. Truthfully, I'm not even Catholic.
Priest: You don't say.
+++

Due to my fiscal issues, I have been playing with the idea of signing up for new face 08 just to get some money to get new clothes. I know I probably won't make it past the qualifying round but hey it's like Alann and Schenelle say: "why live your life in fear?"

Anyway, I'm FINALLY done with the Terms chapter, although I'm still kinda confused about innominate terms. The courts seem very very arbitrary when it comes to deciding between conditions and warranties. I'll try my bestest best to put up stuff about the judiciary. In the meantime, I need to let stuff off my chest.

For some reason, I have this intuition to feel whether some people are fake or not. Now, although some people may have personalities that I don't agree with, I respect them nonetheless because that's exactly who they are. On the other hand, I detest people who aren't true to themselves just so that they can get people to like them.

Take for example, Caps. Firstly when she was queen bee (gawd i can't believe there was such a time) she never ever spoke to anyone outside her group. All of a sudden when my clique and I move up to the 8th floor she's all "Hi Schenelle... what's up? Can I shine your shoes and clean your shit (dramatisation)?" Thankfully, Schenelle just gave her the WTF look and a sheepish hi.

I could inexplicably tell that she was just trying to strike up conversation with a cooler kid, she didn't really care if Schenelle was well, all she cared about was not being totally disliked by the rest of the girls. Its like, she didn't give a damn about her during induction, and all of a sudden she's kissing her ass like she's all that? Yeah sure Schenelle's all that, but Caps certainly didn't think so from the start.

My point is, if she really wanted to make friends, she could start by 1) Stop having public embarrassing rows with her boyfriend (freaking noisy la, people trying to study can?) 2) Stop trying to suck up to people ( I haven't even started on the Sze Bim episode) and 3) Come clean about what happened during induction (every single painful detail, right down to backstabbing the only friend who cared about you after the whole thing at camp. I could've forgiven in a heartbeat everything that you did, but the backstabbing, and then LYING about it, I'll have to try more than a teeny bit harder).

This is stupid. She isn't even the one I'm frustrated with and I'm taking it out on her. Boy I'm messed up. It's just that after reading Catcher in the Rye like a year ago, it seems that almost anybody can be such a phony. That's my problem; I put everyone on a freaking pedestal and I blame them when they fail to live up to my expectations.

Miyo's voice: Always remember Bea, interest begets expectations and expectations beget disappointment, so the key to avoiding disappointment is to avoid interest.


Gotcha, BFF.

I really, really like baking cookies. But nobody seems to be able to eat the big ones.

My Life as Everything in Transit

This post is about how my life relates to the Jack's Mannequin album.

Holiday From Real: Vacation anthem for slackers. Plays in my head every time school is out.

The Mixed Tape: The time I was really into photoshop and I made tons of emo wallpapers. I did them mostly for friends and was about anime.

Bruised: That trip to Sarawak in Christmas 2005 and that traumatic game of 'I Never'

I'm Ready: Pretty much the same as Andrew Mcmahon's, my first breakup and trying my best to face everyday life

La La Lie: The times I spent with Zach at the beach.

Dark Blue: The late night classes and going home together with my friends

Miss Delaney: When I got pissed at my friend for being an asshole to a girl.

Rescued: Every rough part of my relationship with Zach

MFEO: Evatte and Apple and how we'd hang out at Jeanette's house and get drunk in the afternoon by playing stupid games and shit

Into the Airwaves: How Miyona sees the world. She doodles goldfish on her notes with 'this fishbowl life is all they need'.

The Lights and Buzz: Everything is so different after one year. Reminds me of driving on the ECP.

OK now it's Miyo's turn to list!

Tranatlanticism

Love can save people. I'm not talking about the feeling; I'm talking about the action. Caring for someone no matter what, even if they're rude, sick or detestable. If I can learn how to love, there'll be hope for me. It's easy to be nice back to those who are nice to you, it's hard to be nice to those who aren't nice back.

When was the last time someone did something entirely selfless for you? Do you remember how it felt to be thought of despite the person having absolutely no reason to?

I remember in sec 2 I was sharing some ravioli with my friends and one girl whom I didn't like asked for a piece. She was the bitchy snobby kind; I wouldn't call her popular because I can't really tell how many people liked her. VERY reluctantly I let her have some, only to be slammed by her the next day. Now that I think about it, if I didn't let her eat the ravioli, it'd give her reason to think that I was a vindictive asshole. So yeah, it was one of the hardest things to do, but at least I can say that I did the right thing.

Fast forward 5 years. Have I become her? Pretty much I think. And it sickens me. God has given me so much lately; I don't wanna take any of it for granted.

So read your books but stay out late some nights

Reply from VLE online!

Technical errors, blablabla... looks like I'll have to wait a little longer for my password. Seriously, I don't really need it, but I at least need to say that I have logged in once.

Games day at Daniel's yesterday. Sharon pangsehed me and for all you know Chris was hiding in the shadows (Farhan's words; not mine). Reclaimed my title as undisputed champion in monopoly and played cluedo for the first time in eons.

I'll be putting Law content heavy posts up soon because the second round of mock exams are at the end of February. Gosh I can't wait til I'm in the second year.

we're still the same compulsive drunks

Saw Eva and Apple today. It felt nostalgic going back to school and hanging out at home with them. We went to parkway where I unintentionally bought Chinese New Year colored hairbands (gold and yellow). After that, I strolled to the beach, sat on the grass and watched the moon. It was practically a lamp.

I'm gonna go on a fish soup diet. Nothing but fish soup til I lose weight.

What's a girl to do with friends like this?

It hasn't dawned on me that exams are less than 5 months away and we haven't covered half the content we're supposed to. The only test i passed was public and that's only because I studied for the question, not the topic in general.

I don't get it. We study to become lawyers, where we work even harder. For what? To get criminals out of jail and companies out of bankruptcy. It'd make more sense to work hard and relax later, but that's certainly not gonna happen.

If you left it up to me, everyday would be a holiday from real. We'd waste our weeks beneath the sun, we'd fry our brains and say it's so much fun out here. When it's all over, I'll come back for another year.

This is probably one of the "what's the meaning of life" posts. Cos I don't know what it is. Last year I spent approximately 2 months goofing off, and that was long enough. But when I'm faced with the most little amount of work, I shun it and wish for the next vacation. What's wrong with me?

Maybe it's the pace at which the syllabus is being covered. I'm more used to the breakneck speeds at which they normally have in JC or secondary school. This kampung atmosphere between 807 and 806, I feel it lures me even more into a false sense of security, that everything will be OK by the time the finals roll around. But I know it won't lest I get my act together.

I realised something about segregation. Those to whom it was given to on a silver platter (i.e. Ting Hui, the mob, etc) never scored above 20 (exception:public law) while on the other hand, those who had to work for it (i.e. Femme Boy, Allie, Daniel) did really well. Looks like that whole speech about persevering in the face of adversity held some water.

+++

It just occurred to me that just because people don't look like they're hurt doesn't mean that they aren't. And that their protective layers just drive them further into isolation. Would it kill me to be nice to outsiders once in a while? Well, since doing so would be dying to myself, so yes, it WOULD kill me. In a good way. But it's so hard to be nice to someone you'd rather see play in a cement mixer. I need help, honestly.

I'll eat wasabe on my dude

I finally saw Zach today. Yay~~ so happy! Now I can finally get down to studying properly.

Note to my group members: The real work starts on Monday. Slack off too much, and I'll throw used sanitary pads at all of you! Then I'll take away the consoles and make you smash rocks.

Democracy is like the goddess with three breasts -- it might seem like a good idea at first, but then you're bound to get carried away and be slapped in the face.
-Panjit Kavashkar

The product of my insomnia

don't judge me. I haven't touched photoshop in years. I just got it reinstalled on my PC and now i'm going back to basics.

I actually had to leave my laptop to go shopping

**NON LAW RELATED POST**

Yesterday when I felt jumpy and restless cos all the blood was rushing to my keester after a long day of doing nothing, I decided to head down to my local mall that is Parkway Parade. I have seemed to develop a love-hate relationship with that place. Love due to its sheer convenience and products, hate due to the idiotic personnel running the boutiques, which I shall get to later.

I'll start off with a pic of an ad I took at Plaza Singapura:



there are a number of reasons why this ad is disturbing on many different levels:

1. The foundation is mismatched.
Unless the freaky pontianak look is in, i don't see how its meant to entice people to buy your makeup, since it makes people look like they landed face first into a pile of cocaine. But then again, if you're looking to score the "oh-look-at-me-i'm-hip-i-take-drugs-now-the-kids-in-school-will-
finally-like-me" dollar, you've pretty much nailed it.

2. Poor eyeshadow application.
No sane, rational and sober person would wear yellow on blue eyeshadow (unless you're a total loser with no sense of style whatsoever). Only a few people would manage to pull off electric blue eyeshadow (the model is sadly not one of them) but to smear yellow on the sides? What are you, a 1 year old with crayola? FUCK YOU giving the makeup industry such a bad name.

3. You fucking overdid the foundation on the lip thingy.
I must admit that putting a little foundation on the lips gives it the plump sheer that pouty lips need, but the genius stylist totally went crazy with it. Now it just looks like he ran out of lipstick and only did the outer layers.

These were actually one of the moments I wished I had a molotov cocktail in my hands. But anyway, on to my day at Parkway.

First the good. I came across this lovely leopard print GUESS pouch which had "make me your pencilbox" written all over it.



it costs about $47, but I hope it gets lower cos Singaporeans don't really catch onto trends that well (fyi leopard prints are in for now).

That's about as far as the good went.

Now for the downright stupid. I went to clubmarc (a down market version of marc jacobs) for some back to school shopping ( I is a vainster). That idiotic minah retail assistant kept suggesting the LEAST flattering clothes for me. She chose a poofy halter that exposed my massive arms but hid my figure. She got this awful blouse with a scrunge in the middle that was too loose and basically wasn't worth the price on the tag. She got a dress with a belt when my body was significantly shorter than my legs (Schenelle would've looked good in it, anyway). I didn't buy anything, but after that day I resolved never to take advice from retail assistants. Did I mention that they were having 50% off storewide? Maybe they were trying to sucker me into buying old rags that no one else wanted.

Speaking of which, I was talking to Sze Bim online and she aptly verbalised my sentiments about the fashion scene in Singapore: that no matter how nice a garment by a generic retailer, say, topshop produces, there will always be a cheena lian or minah to fuck it up by pairing it up with totally dumbass creations like crocs or scarves. Wait, I actually do like scarves, just not on minahs or tessa. It looks totally loserish when everything else on her person is so bloody typical.

Look, if you wanna wear something out of the ordinary, go the whole hog. Don't wear pearl necklaces with a t shirt and denims, wear a damn dress. It just makes you look sloppy and brainless about how to dress yourself.

Now I can hear Zach admonishing me about my fashion choices, but well, it's not like I'm not trying myself. I have yet to get on the same wavelength as him.

Why am I doing law when what I really like is fashion? Or maybe its just the girly part of me. I just don't think life should be dull and limited. A long time ago when I was modelling, my agent told me that it's impossible to be many things at once. But what about multi talented people like Heidi Klum, Kimora Lee Simmons and Vera Wang? I mean, Heidi and Kimora both started out as models, but now they're designers and businesswomen. Vera Wang was a champion figure skater before she became synonymous with "really nice looking and expensive wedding dress".

I guess what he was trying to say was, I can't be good in one field if I spread myself out too much. For now, law school should be my priority, and style with fashion should just remain as an intuitive process.

That is, until I earn enough capital to start my own label. I hope.